Celibacy Day

aka “The Connor’s Johnson Chronicles”

This exists solely because my friend Samm requested it after reading this story about future sex robots. Not to be confused with the way more awesome Futuristic Sex Robotz. Contains terrible fiction, parody and castration.

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“I don’t get it. What was that thing? Why was it trying to kill me?” I screamed as we sped away. I still didn’t know the name of the mysterious crew-cut dude who was driving, but what I did know is that he had just saved my life.

“It’s a machine, called the H-1000, sent back in time to stop you from becoming the head of the Resistance, Connor.” He answered, swerving to avoid a car stopped at a red light.

“What the fuck? Seriously?” I was incredulous.

“Yes, I was being very serious.” He responded in a very serious manner.

“Does that mean you traveled back in time as well?” I asked.

“Yes. My mission is to protect you from the H-1000, hopefully destroying it in the process.”

“Okay, so are you, like, a less advanced version of that thing back there?”

“What? Like that thing? No, man. Fuck no. Jesus.” He shook his head at me with a disgusted look on his face. Continue reading